it started off, with denial. I didn't want to believe it- no- it was surreal. The words were translated into my brain, but the meaning of it remained outside the gate. But eventually I realized, that it's not a prank, (of course, Madame would never even relate to a prank, let alone do it.) So it's true, then a sense of betrayal dominated my feelings, and the haunting questions:"Why wasn't I informed?" "Why didn't any of them consult any of us?" "Why all of a sudden?". And then someone had the decency to enlighten me with a reason. But the problem is, I wasn't enlightened, and it was more of an excuse rather than reason- a pretty lame one, I must add. So that feeling of betrayal, turned into this maddening anger. I just had to go away from there before I punch anyone in the face. I mean, if it's going to be a lame excuse, you might as well not mention it at all. With all these negative energy inside me, I wanted to neutralize my body, and so I channeled those energy out in the form of tears- yup, converting anger into sorrow.
--I try not to think about it as much, it's just overall so devastating. But after thinking about it, it's probably not the reason for all these mixed emotions. Rather, it's a trigger. I tend to pent up my feelings by convincing myself to endure all these not-so-pleasent things happening at once. Physic class suddenly popping up in my weekend planner right after I took my 'I'm-going-home' card, that unremovable stain on one of my favorite Baju Kurungs, doing the physic lab report all alone (Okay, Ain dah belanja Chicken Chop, terasa appreciated, dah rasa ok. Terima kasih Ain ;D), and quizzes and tutorials attacking here and there as if it's a prey-predator relationship between us.
Plus I haven't reblogged anything depressing as of...months.
Grr...ni nak makan orang ni!
Hati, tolong jangan pilu.
Labels: emosi, kampus, konflik