Saturday, October 1, 2011
But still, I'm gonna say it: hectic as hell. I don't know if my emotions were just counter balancing with the current situation, nevertheless it confused me with its sudden outburst. Not that I did anything outrageous or stupid, it was just a dazed & confused moment, and I still wander about the reason that triggered my depression. It's nothing serious, really, just a couple of days with no appetite, no desire to sleep and unexplained hours spent thinking about dark, disturbing thoughts.
I thought about the factors and some of them consisted of
- fear of detachment
- lack of a sense of familiarity
- the sudden realization of the high degree of inconsistency
- Denial of stress
and then Exam came up, and I had to put my mind into the 6 subjects that I took, focus on the 18 credit hours that matters, and make up to the 33.5 average carry marks I have. So I'm not exactly confessing my early defeat. I'm not admitting that I'm giving up and willing to fail, I'm just expressing my jumbled up emotions that I'm going through this whole fortnight and it wrecked my whole sleep schedule.
I do have a firm belief in sleeping. That enough rest would result to a healthy and active brain, and it works better than brains that are forced to stay up in the middle of the night memorizing stuff. I don't usually violate that self-made rule, but suddenly my brain was awake for more than 36 hours and I wake up early, sleep at weird time slots, lost my desire to sleep and it kind of frightened me that I'm hurting myself, but the pain cannot be detected by my senses, as if somewhere in my nervous system, some wires got cut off and there's not exactly a Technician that can do anything about it.
But exam week's almost over, my appetite's coming back, my desire to sleep is slowly growing back, the Semester's almost over so I'll be home for a couple of weeks, it's just Physic paper this Monday and everything would be back to normal (I hope)
Sleep schedule, be patient!