“I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.”


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I think I've said this a million times already, but I really want to justify my intentions behind my blog. Plus, it's my 100th post, so the even-ness in that number prompts me to do this.

Before I had a blog, I had a diary. I remember my first time writing was when I couldn't sleep, I had all these thoughts in my mind that kept me awake for a very long time, and it wasn't til I jot everything down that I was able to sleep. You see, I'm a very repressive person, I don't like talking to people about certain matters. I don't like talking about my friends to my family, and I don't like talking about my family to my friends. It's like colliding two parallel universes, it just feels wrong and uncomfortable. But I had to express myself, so one of my medium was writing out my feelings and opinions.

But diaries wasn't that efficient in keeping my secrets, because I've caught my mom sneaking in my bedroom reading my diary when I'm asleep (but I wasn't sleeping), so I turned to the virtual world. If you have seen my first blog, you will know how unorganized it is. I spat out everything, which made my blog, a giant ball of mess- I talked about my sappy emotion, talked about my secrets, talked about boyz, talked about teachers, talked about school, talked about hatred- basically a very hormone-pumped teenager with raging emotions. As I wrote that, I didn't expect my parents to read it, but they did and also a few other people at school, in which caused me a lot of troubles, so I deleted that, and started anew.

I didn't know why I stopped blogging ajikto. I knew I wanted to, I just didn't know why. The more I think of it, the more I believe that my writing has matured from ajikto. It was fun, but I think I've grown up. Backtracking I realize how evolved my writing has been, and right now is the 'me' that I've always tried to express before.

To be honest, I the reason why I've been blogging..is because of me. Despite how selfish that sounds, I blog because I want to express myself, the way I can't express myself in real life. I've always had a knack in writing, and I'm better in words than I am in actions. I never bothered how many followers I have, how many page hits I get, how many money I could get by putting ads from nuffnang, how informative my blog should be, how pretty and cute it can be with widgets and stuff. Nothing of that matters to me, because the reason I blog is to express, not to impress.