“I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.”


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Forgiveness is under rated, and it should be given more meaning than it has become today. It subconciously has become this jamais vu words in life, and I've been meaning to blog about it for a long time. This is going to be similar like my 'Thank You' post, a little way back. So here it goes.

The thing is, forgiveness is in the manual of moral conduct for any situation that doesn't justify your definition of justice. Basically, if you screw up, you apologize. Now that's good, seeking forgiveness is a good start for easing a victim's emotion, but the most important thing is, that the victim accepts that apology and grant forgiveness to wrongdoer, and that's what people often over look.

Forgiveness isn't just words, you can't just easily say "I forgive you" so mindlessly and blindlessly. People have this false perception of the words "I can't forgive you" being a pretence of a primadonna, that the only ones saying it are the ones who want to make things worse. Sometimes people just say "I forgive you" for the sake of not wanting to deal with the problem, but that defeats the whole purpose of the apology. Sometimes, when people are not forgiving, it's the victim's fault, all of a sudden they're the bad guys. I don't know about you guys, but I am very bothered with these situations, especially when I'm in it.

Have you ever heard of the story about the guy who Prophet Muhammad pointed out will definitely go to heaven? Turns out that guy doesn't do much amalans to begin with, well he still does the wajibs, but not much sunats, yet he's one of the definite residents of heaven. Know what he did? Every night, before he goes to sleep, he'll forgive everyone who did wrong to him. And that was it.

It may seem simple, and small, but it's a very hard thing to do. The hardest part of forgiving someone, is sincerity. You can't fake sincerity, it would be paradox. You just have to strive to achieve that level of sincerity before you can truly forgive someone. Ever heard of the nail analogy? When you hurt someone, it's as if you hammered a nail to a wall. When you try to fix the problem, it's as if you're pulling the nail off the wall, but no matter even if the nail's completely off the wall, there will always be a hole in the wall. When people get hurt, it triggers a strong part of the brain that's responsible for memory. The more pain, the more you remember, that's what's making forgiving a very difficult task. The analogue of forgiving, is to magically make the hole in the wall disappear with the power of sincerity that can only be obtained if you beat Voldemort without using any imperial curse, and killing all the hocruxes without a Yoda at your side telling you what to do (Okay, last part was an exaggeration, but still, it's almost an impossible thing to do)

In the words of Khadijah College's Principal (who also happen to be my UI lecturer):

If you can forgive, but you can't forget, it means you basuh baju tak cuci. You gonyoh baju tu kuat-kuat, tapi tak pakai dynamo. Baju memang dah basuh, tapi ada bau lagi. If you can't forget, then you're not forgiving.

It comes hand in hand, you can't have one without the other, it doesn't work that way. When you say you forgive someone, you're saying that you no longer have any resentment towards that someone, that you can think ahead, and not be bothered by the past, that things will be back to normal, and that whole thing won't be brought up again with an unsettled heart and unfinished business, that you're okay and it wouldn't damage your relationship with that someone in any way.

If you can't promise all that, if you're still bothered, and someday you will bring it up, then don't say that you accept the apology. It's a ruthless lie, and defeats the whole purpose of apologizing in the first place.

In all the media I've encountered, there is none that portrays forgiveness so well and so detailed like Muallaf. I've mentioned this movie a lot of times, and I'll say it again, the movie's great despite all the controversy, it's one of those movies that you have to watch before you die.

I think forgiveness is the main theme of the movie. So these sisters, Rohana and Rohani (Amani), they're like fugitives, trying to run away from their father and his spies. Rohani works in a nightclub as a bartender, and Rohana is someone who sometimes shout numbers, which make people confused and see her as weird. Basically, people have a hard time accepting them to society, so once in a while people hurt them, emotionally or physically, so everytime before they go to bed, they forgive everyone who hurt them.

Ani: Do you forgive anyone who has hurt you today?
Ana: Yes.
Ani: Do you hold any ill feelings in your heart towards anyone?
Ana: No.
Ani: Nor I.

It was a very touching and inspiring scene. They cried, and it showed how hard it is to forgive someone, and I think it's a very noble thing to do.

Amani had like a really cruel dad, I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure it's Physical abuse if you give your daughter a bald head with lots of cuts and bruises, just because she didn't want to go the salon with her stepmother. I mean, throughout the movie, her father had a lot of potential of being thrown into jail, he's like a Yakuza leader. But Amani made it clear to Mr. Miserable, that she doesn't blame her father for anything that he's done. She just simply hate what his father has done, but she loves her father. When his father ended up in the hospital, Amani was there for her, he refused to eat anything unless Amani fed her. It shows how powerful forgiveness can be.

If people truly apologized for their mistakes, and truly accepted those apologies appointed to them, there will be no grudges, no pent up feelings, no resentment, no war, no broken promises, no back bitings, no back stabbing. There can actually be peace.

Forgiveness requires courage and bravery. And it's a choice. When people say sorry to you, that means they did wrong, and rightfully they need to be punished. In a case where a friend did something wrong, you have a choice: justice or friendship. If you pick justice, then your relationship with your friend won't be the same. If you pick friendship, then everything goes back to the way it was, but you won't get your justice. Basically, forgiving someone means overcoming the sense of injustice for the sake of relationship.

To those who I've seeked forgiveness from, I sincerely apologize for whatever I've done, and I do hope you guys forgive me sincerely, if you don't, please say so, and tell me what can I do for me to deserve your forgiveness, because it means a lot for me.

To those seeking forgiveness from me, if I've already said that I forgive you, I meant every word and I sincerely do forgive you. But if I haven't, give me time, because I don't think I have the courage to forgive you yet, and I don't want to make fake promises, but I'll keep on trying. I'll try to forget the pain I've been through, the dreadful pain you've put me through, and when I'm no longer bothered by your actions, when I no longer hold resentment, I will truly say: I forgive you.